Mercy Trying to Flirt
by Double Helix Nebula
Summary: All those years of medical school left Mercy with a terrible sense of subtlety.
1. Mercy Trying to Flirt

AN: Just something to tide my Hanzo/Mercy cravings as I try to find inspiration for my other story "Good Time".

* * *

As Hanzo is getting ready for the day, he is approached by Mercy.

"Ah, Dr. Ziegler. Just the person to ask." he says to her, "Do I look okay?"

Mercy looked him up, down and around before facing him front and center.

"So?"

"Yes, I think you look just fine." she told him, "But do you know what would look really good on you?"

"What's that?"

"Me." she said before meowing and pawing at his chest.

* * *

"Alright, Hanzo. Check-up is complete and you're as healthy as can be." Mercy said as she scribbled on her clipboard.

"That's a relief." he responded.

"However...I was just wondering…" she said as she looked over at him.

"Hm?"

"Are you my medical homework?"

Hanzo had a confused look on his face.

"No…? Why?" he asked cautiously.

"Because I'm not doing you and I should be. Ugh!" she said as she did a hip thrust.

* * *

"Hanzo?" Mercy says as she taps his shoulder.

He turns around and looked at her.

"Yes?"

"I just wanted you to know that I'm French Horn-y for your Trombone-er." she purred.

Hanzo rolled his eyes and shook his head.

* * *

"Hey Hanzo, do you want to play Barbie?" Mercy asked.

Hanzo raised an eyebrow before looking around.

"Uhm...okay…?"

"Great!" she exclaimed, "You can be Ken and I'll be the box you come in!"

She then began flicking her tongue suggestively at him and it made him shiver.

* * *

"Are you my little toe?" Mercy asked Hanzo.

He looked up at her with a question look on his face.

"No…?" he said, almost like a question, "Why?"

"Because I'm gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in this room."

"Oh my god…" Hanzo sighed as he pressed his palm to his face.

* * *

Mercy notices Hanzo reading a book in the room across from her's so she walks up to the threshold.

"Oh Hanzo~!" Mercy called out.

"What?" he said as he peered out the door towards her.

"Your body is a Wonderland~!" she sang out, "And I want to be your Alice."

Hanzo got up and walked over to the door and slammed it shut in her face.

* * *

Mercy walks down the street and sees Hanzo petting a cat. When she walks up to him, the cat leaves him and comes over to her. She pets the cat as Hanzo stands up and watches before she sends the cat off.

"I didn't know you were good with animals." Hanzo said to her.

"Oh, but Mr. Shimada, there's a lot of things you don't know about me!" she said.

Hanzo crosses his arms and leans back a little as he stares at her.

"Oh yeah, like what?"

She walks up to him and closes the distance, making him feel uncomfortable.

"Like, do you know why they call me the 'Cat Whisperer'?" she said.

Hanzo shook his head. She leaned up and got right in his face.

"Because I know exactly what this pussy needs. Meow~!" she cooed.

* * *

"Hey Hanzo, my body has 206 bones." she said to him randomly.

Hanzo nodded his head, "That's nice."

"Want to give me another one?"

Hanzo groaned as he rubbed his temples.

* * *

Mercy and Hanzo are sitting on a couch watching TV. During the commercial, Mercy looks over at him.

"Hey Hanzo, are you a trampoline?" she asked him.

He looked over at her.

"No, why?"

"Because I want to bounce on you." she said before bouncing up and down suggestively.

* * *

Hanzo sat in his room meditating when Mercy comes in.

"Hanzo." Mercy said to him.

"Hm?" he grunted as he continued meditating.

"If I said I worked for UPS…" she started, letting her voice trail.

She stepped up to him and then pushed up against his back, making him stiffen up. She tilted her head up towards his ear.

"Would you let me handle your package?" she whispered huskily before licking his ear.

Hanzo's eyes snapped wide open.

* * *

"Hey Hanzo. Will you call me the 'garbagewoman'?"

"Why?"

Mercy looked at him with a devilish look.

"So that I can handle your junk."

"Oh, for fuck's sake…!"

* * *

After a particularly long and gruelling mission, Mercy walks up to Hanzo.

"Hey Hanzo?" she asks.

Hanzo turns and looks at her.

"Hm? What is it?"

"That was exhausting back there, wasn't it?" she sighs, "I think I need to sit down."

She runs her hands across his face and winks suggestively at him.

"Is this seat taken?"

Hanzo began screaming internally.

* * *

During an off-day, Mercy and Hanzo were sitting in the back of a taxi as they rode through Hanamura. Randomly, Mercy touches Hanzo's shirt.

"Is this cotton?" she asks him.

He turned his attention from the window to her and then nods his head.

"Yes, I believe it's organic cotton." he said to her before looking back out of the window.

"Then this must be felt." Mercy said to him, reaching down and grabbing his groin.

Hanzo nearly jumped in the air at that.

"WHAT THE...!"


	2. Mercy Trying to Flirt Some More

AN: Well, I originally intended for this to be a one-shot thing, but I thought of more stupid pick-up lines and I just had to share.

* * *

Hanzo and Mercy drove to the store to pick something up. Hanzo ran inside while Mercy sat in the car and when she did, she pulled the keys out and held onto them. When Hanzo came back, he went to start the car but noticed the keys weren't in the ignition.

"Hey, what happened to the keys?"

"You don't need keys to drive me crazy." Mercy said as she dangled the car keys in front of him.

"Give me my keys back!" Hanzo demanded as he reached for his keys.

She pulled them out of the way and held them away from him.

"Nuh-uh! Not until you lick my pearl!"

Hanzo made a "seriously…?" face.

* * *

Hanzo is sitting outside, staring off in the distance and thinking deeply when Mercy comes up behind him.

"Hey Hanzo, are you alright?" she asked softly.

"I'm fine. Just tired." he responded.

Mercy walked up and placed her hands on his shoulders and began to squeeze them.

"Oh Hanzo, you work so hard." she cooed.

Hanzo just grunted a little, enjoying the massage.

"Are you looking for more work? Because I have an opening you can fill." Mercy purred into his ear.

Hanzo's head shot up.

"Angie, goddamn it…!"

* * *

Mercy was rushing her way to the clinic and as she was running, she passed by a large puddle that a driver drove right through and she was hit with a huge splash, making her soaking wet. Now, not only was she late to Hanzo's quarterly physical, but she was soaking wet. When she returned to the clinic, she saw Hanzo sitting there in the waiting room. He stood up when he saw her come in, completely drenched.

"Whoa, Dr. Ziegler. What happened to you?" Hanzo asked.

"Ah, well, you know…" she said as she shrugged her shoulders, "I just took one look at you through the glass and my vagina exploded."

* * *

Hanzo and Mercy are walking down the street in downtown Zurich. As they were walking, Hanzo's stomach began to growl.

"Are you hungry?" Mercy asked.

"I think so." Hanzo said as he rubbed his stomach.

"Do you like Mexican food?"

"That sounds good, actually."

Mercy clasped her hands together and beamed at him.

"Great! Because I have a warm taco and it needs eating!"

Hanzo glared at her.

"You're dead to me…"

* * *

"Hey Hanzo, did you ever learn the English alphabet song?"

Hanzo thought on that for a moment before shaking his head.

"No, I don't think so."

"Well, it goes something like this…"

Mercy cleared her throat before looking him in the eyes.

"A-B-C-D-E-F-G-R-U-D-T-F with me!" Mercy sang.

It took Hanzo a moment to process what she said before giving her a look of disbelief.

"I'm sure that's not how it goes!"

* * *

During off-time, Mercy met up with Hanzo in Hanamura where he'd show her around town before they'd take a train to Tokyo and he'd show her around there. She knocked on his door and he answered.

"Hi Hanzo! Sorry I'm late!" she said, a bit winded from running over from the train station.

"It's alright. Ready?"

Mercy nodded her head. She noticed the clothes he was wearing and it was bit odd to see him out of his usual garb, but he looked nice nonetheless.

"Hey, nice pants." she said to him.

"Oh, thank you."

"Can I talk you out of them?" she smiled devilishly.

Hanzo narrowed his eyes before shutting the door on her.

* * *

As Hanzo is making himself a pot of tea, Mercy came over to him.

"Wow Hanzo, I didn't know you were a taxidermist!" Mercy exclaimed.

Hanzo was confused at that as he turned to face her.

"What are you talking about? I'm not a taxidermist." he told her.

"Oh, well, wanna stuff me anyway?" she said, licking her lips.

"Get out!"

* * *

Hanzo was sitting at a kotatsu table reading a magazine when Mercy walked over and sat next to him.

"Hanzo."

"Hm?" he asks.

"Can you call me an archaeologist?"

Hanzo looks up from his magazine over at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Why?"

"Because you have a large bone that I want to examine." Mercy said with a goofy grin as she ran her hand up his leg.

" _Anta ga mondai aru ka?!_ " he barked.


End file.
